


Clear Thorn and Clouded Rose

by allmagiccomeswithrice (bisaleth)



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fear, Loneliness, M/M, Romance, Sad, Self-Acceptance, Self-Hatred, Self-Love, Self-cest, Separation Anxiety, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Yin and Yang themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-04-20 11:25:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4785611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisaleth/pseuds/allmagiccomeswithrice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Light and dark must be allowed to coexist, or all shall be lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: The Rupture of Light and Dark

_The light is nearly blinding, but looking away is not an option._

_It comforts and brightens in no particular pattern. I've been with this light for as long as I can remember, and although I know I'm not that light, I know I belong here. He sees my darkness and he appreciates it in the same way I do his light. Small as I am in comparison to those happy feelings of joy and friendship, I'm still very important to him because we are one. He couldn't be without me-_

_Just as I couldn't be without him. We're blurry and mixed, sometimes it's unclear if I'm basking in his light or shying away from it, but I suspect it might be both, which works for me just fine. Just as long as we stay together. We need to stay here, like this, forever...but something's happening and I can't stop it. I'm not strong enough to protect us, myself._

"Please, don't do this, Master! I'm not strong enough!" _We beg Xehanort to stop the heartless, but he doesn't listen. Our balance is perfect, why can't he see that? We don't need to embrace the darkness any more, I'm already here, one part of the whole that makes us Ventus. We don't need the x-blade._

_The heartless that have us surrounded take lunges at us until we can no longer dodge._

_Suddenly, I feel a stabbing pain in my chest. His light is dimming and dispersing, leaving me with nothing but my own emanating darkness to comfort me as I feel myself being ripped in half, the essential pieces of myself being divided up like halves of a paupu fruit to be handed out and eaten apart from each other. The darkness overwhelms me, I'm drowning. I'm drowning. My emotions are rising from my throat and I scream in horror as the despair burns through my chest at the loss of my light. All breath is lost at the startling imbalance I find within myself as I'm tugged in all directions._

_I feel so lost and scared, and...angry. I lash out at the black tendrils that are attempting to chain me like an animal, biting, kicking, screaming, anything I can do to make them let go._

_But they do not let me go. The anxiety grips at my insides and eats through any light I had left as I realize that there is no escape from the hollow shadow I have become. It isn't fair, I deserve to be whole, and now...I'm alone. Completely and utterly alone in the void._

_I sink in on myself, curling into a ball and hugging my knees as though they would provide the same comfort the light once brought to me. It doesn't help, it makes it worse. The tendrils curl around my balled figure, pushing me into an orb and crushing me until the pain forces to realize that I now have a physical body that can be hurt._

_When the black finally releases it's hold, I stretch out, every muscle in my new body aching from the strain of my consciousness. I see my body on the ground through the eyes of someone else, and there are too many thoughts inside of me to decide on one to focus upon. I look...pathetic. My blue eyes look so empty from an outside perspective, did I always appear so weak?_

_Master Xehanort ignores my body laying on the ground, instead turning to the new me._ "Empty creature from Ventus riven...to you, the name Vanitas shall be given."

_Not knowing what else I could do but to obey my teacher, I respond._

_"Yes, Master."_


	2. Destiny Islands; Before the Dawn

_I can no longer be his shield._

_I stare down at Ventus' limp body.  E_ _ven after all this time, being without my light has not ceased to be disorienting.  Having eyes and hair that look so different from who I was only makes it much worse-  to look at Ventus now only serves as a reminder of our separation._

_The universe has come apart at the seams because I was torn from him, and yet there he lays, sleeping without care.  Doesn't he know how vulnerable to the cruel world he is, now that I'm not going to protect him?  "Wake up, idiot."_

_Ventus opens his eyes and looks at me with a blank expression.  His eyes are completely empty, as though I were interacting with a corpse puppet, instead of a person.  We used to shine, our eyes were vivid and bright, once.  Without me, he's as useless as a broken seashell._

_I'm not anywhere near as soulless as he is, my heart is functional without light._

_Still, I can't help but feel disgusted.  I don't think entirely the same as I did when I was one with him.  There's a certain creeping sensation that happens whenever the Master tells me to do something, and it bothers me without an end.  Every time it happens, I lose another piece of Ventus._

_It makes me sick to my stomach.  I reach out, shaking his shoulders to try and snap him out of his trance, but his head just rolls back down like a rag doll.  "Hey.  Talk."  Running my hand over his face, I stare as he opens his mouth and nothing comes out._

_He's desperate to speak, his eyes are obviously stinging with unshed tears, but he can hardly move.  He's so worthless.  He relies on me to function._

_"I don't need you anymore, you know that?  I'm finally free from shielding your sorry ass.  Turns out I never needed your light to begin with. You're useless to me." I smirk at him, smug for being able to beat down the light that was always so much bigger and stronger than me.  The pride fades into frustration when all Ventus reacts with is a look as though he'd just taken a sharp blow to the chest._

_The blonde boy closes his eyes as he takes a shivering breath, raising his hand in an attempt to meet mine.  Acting on pure instinct, I reach out and grab hold until I realize that my tight grip is crushing and twisting his hand.  Watching his empty expression as I hurt my clear, shining other side just makes me angry.  Why won't he cry?  Why won't he fight back?  Tell me to stop it?_

_"Fight me, Ventus."_

_Without any more warning, I throw him off the paupu tree and into the harsh sand, waiting and watching for a response- any at all._

_Nothing._

_He just lays there, defenseless.  The frustration builds through my chest clenches my throat as I walk closer, kicking him until he's on his back again.  "Hmph. Can't even defend yourself.  Pathetic.  Just how broken are you, anyway?"  I ask, knowing the answer.  Too broken to talk back.  Lost in the darkened clouds over the sea, the faded light floating aimlessly through the air, no wind to uncloud the sky for it to shine through._


	3. Recovering Rose, Loss of Self

_I stare into the mirror with mortification._ _Before, the only physical difference between myself and Ventus was my hair and my eyes, but now, so soon after we left him on the shore...I'm different._

_Who am I?_

_My features have morphed themselves over night and now I can't recognize myself.  It's probably because I've become independent from him that I gained my own appearance or something.  I like the idea, but it feels...wrong.  It doesn't belong to me, this body isn't mine at all.  I can see that now._

_Since my creation, I've begun to discover just how little control I truly have over myself.  To start with, my outbursts of anger at the Master for having separated me into two have become more than just frustrated fits and I can feel my negativity concentrating itself, sharpening like a blade being prepared for battle.  It hurts, I can't handle it without him.  I keep trying to be whole without him but it never works, I need light like air.  I'm suffocating._

_How long do I have to stay like this?  The more time I take to observe my reflection, the more I can feel the Master's tug.  My body has been replaced and my eyes were traded away for the Master's, leaving me with not a single trace of myself to cling to when I need to remember how it felt to have that warmth of pure good radiating somewhere within._

_Lost, resentful, scared, angry.  These emotions build inside of me and they grow, flowing from me without a cap to stop them from running rampant on the worlds.  Before I know it, my internal darkness has manifested into something grotesque and mindlessly angry, a being not unlike the heartless.  This monster came from me, I am the one who created it.  I can feel the sheer wrath radiating from it, pulsing black and purple._

_Fitting, considering how bruised I feel.  Every time the Master speaks, it's another blow that leaves me colorful with the pained remains of a soul, taken apart, molded and kneaded until it fits his desire.  I feel like I'm gonna throw up if I continue to contain all of my agony within myself, so I let it run free, allowing the darkness to rip away and go wild on the people of this unimportant planet the Master has brought me to._

_The departure of some of my anger is a relief, allowing me to breathe once more, even if just temporarily._

* * *

 

_Releasing the unversed is like second nature to me, now.  Going from world to world and spreading my hatred and anger for what was done to me, setting a seed of my negativity throughout every world, has been an easy task these past weeks._

_I've been told that Ven has woken up, to some degree._

_I push to have us reunited, but my every word is lost on deaf ears to the Master, who only tells me once more that we can only be one again when Ventus is ready and we have returned to the Keyblade Graveyard, where all of this began.  For now, my other half is being brought to the Land of Departure and I stand, hidden, to watch him walk in on his own two feet._

_He's alive enough for that, at least._

_Ventus is still doll-like with his eyes an endless abyss that lacks any life whatsoever, and although others are talking to him, he can't seem to reply.  Still, he looks a lot more like the person I remember being, now that he's up and about.  With any luck, he'll recover from our separation soon and we'll be able to be fused together again.  All we have to do is get through this, and things will be right.  We'll be where we belong, and the Master will have his x-blade._

_Just a little longer.  Hurry up and get stronger, Ventus._

 


	4. Unbreakably Chained Thorns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been like two years since I last updated, but I never forgot about this fic and my plans for it, and the hype around KH3 hit me in full force, so get ready for the return of the yin-yang keyblade dorks

_With every extra day that passes, I feel my anger toward the Master festering._

_It used to matter, accomplishing whatever the Master set for us, but things were so different when I was with Ventus.  Now, I just want it to be over.  For a long time now, I've just wanted everything to end.  So much rage burns through my gut at the Master taking his sweet time with his plans.  Why can't it be now?_

_Ventus seems to be fine.  Better than I am, for sure.  Aqua and Terra have successfully befriended him, but I know there's still a disconnect somewhere.  Most days, Ventus tries to tag along during their keyblade training, but there's no way he doesn't know he's different, even without the age gap, Ven just doesn't understand the darkness that his friends are training to fight against.  Today, too, Ven has been pushed to the side and left behind again, ignored on account of his age._

_Sick of doing the Master's bidding, I lean against the outer wall, arms crossed and not bothering to wait for Ven to notice me, opting instead to startle him enough that he nearly falls off the balcony, catching himself on the rail when I speak.  "Left behind again, huh?"  
_

_After a short moment of gathering himself, Ven glares weakly back._ "What's it to you?"

_"More than you know."  I didn't mean for that to slip, but it doesn't really matter.  Screw the rules.  "Isn't it time you got serious?  It's not like they're ever gonna get their heads out of their asses long enough to care anyway."_

_I could almost hear Ven growling with the look he gave me for that.  Priceless, really.  Hilarious in the same way it might be if a small kitten bared it's teeth at you.  There's no helping the laughter that escapes my lips, and the look on Ven's face only gets better and more angry with each passing second, but I do eventually manage to reel myself in just as I spot the Master across the yard, observing the interaction and sobering me up entirely.  I shouldn't be here.  I don't know what he'll do if he finds out I'm trying to get close to Ven, so I turn to the door leading back inside, my back to Ventus.  "It was nice meeting you, Ventus.  I'm sure we'll cross paths again."_

_As soon as I exit, Ven's footsteps echo through the hall, chasing after.  In an attempt to get away from him, I open a portal of darkness, intent to slip away stealthily, but it appears Ven's training hasn't gotten him nowhere and soon we're tumbling through the darkness where we plop unceremoniously onto the sandy beach of Destiny Island._

"What the-?" _On top from having tackled me to the ground, Ven takes in his new surroundings, blinking in confusion before looking down and trying to squint in hopes of seeing through my mask._ "...Where the heck are we?"

_Everything hits in one moment.  Something overwhelming and needy pulls at my insides at having my other half so close that in some places the only thing between us is clothing.  My chest burns and reaches for him, knowing where we belong, with Ventus.  I momentarily forget the pain, both emotional and physical, as though all it took for a complete feeling was this-- this, being close._

_I also forgot that Ventus had said anything, and he began waving his hand in front of my face until I shoved him off, now finally noticing the pain in the back of my neck from being unexpectedly roughhoused.  "That hurt, idiot.  What do you want?"  
_

"You can't just tell me something cryptic and ominous and walk away like I'm not gonna have a problem!  What did you mean 'more than you know'? How did you know my name?  And where are we?  How did you make that portal appear?"

_I stand up properly, reopening the portal that had automatically closed when we went through and feeling all the more sour for having had a reprieve.  "Go home.  You'll know when you're older."_

_Ventus refused to take it, hands balling into fists as he rose like he was ready to fight me._ "I am so  _sick_ of people telling me that!  No, I won't!  Master Eraqus once said that one who knows nothing can understand nothing.  So, just!  Tell me!"

_For a moment, I consider telling him.  Maybe he would understand.  Maybe he would want to be whole too, and we could fuse without fighting, we could avoid the x-blade mess entirely and just be one person again._

_That moment passes.  Master Xehanort would never allow it, and I don't even know if it would work.  If I told Ventus, it would only endanger us both.  So, instead, I simply march toward my other half and violently shove him into the portal before it closes, sighing when he's gone.  It would have been nice.  It could have been nice.  I felt a feeling that wasn't negativity when I was with him, and I want nothing more than to bask in it, but I can't.  I have a job to do, Unversed to release, and an x-blade to eventually forge._

_A short sting reminds me to release my energy, and I do so, only to be repulsed by the monster.  It looks no different from every other one I've created, but the visual representation of my self-hatred is too much to bare, and instead of leaving to to wreak_ _havoc, I slash at it until it dissipates, the dark energy flowing right back into me and yanking at my throat with the sensation of longing and choking._

_I removed the mask that was getting wet with tears, tugging violently at the hair that doesn't feel like it's mine._

_Still, I'm forced to obey the Master.  Dark energy once again swirls out of me, forming a number of Unversed against my will this time._

_Try as I might to escape and rebel, the Master has hold of what me is left._


	5. Carved Passion

_I'm so weak._

_Even now that darkness is at my very core, I'm not good enough for the Master.  I fight and fight and he just wants me to get better so that I'll be able to beat Ventus.  My knees are scraped up underneath the dark armor and my keyblade has been more useless than normal lately, leaving the heartless to tear at me relentlessly while I scramble to properly fight back._

_I hate it so much.  Every time I even think about Ventus, I just feel so weak.  The Master...ensured I knew that I could only watch Ven from afar.  Apparently, trying to strike up a conversation with my_ _other half was just as unwise as it felt. Ven told his new friends all about our encounter and they warned him to stay away._

_Sound advice, for sure.  If only it didn't piss me off._

_The anger gives a burst of energy and I manage to throw a few enemies off, their bodies dissipating, finally giving me the upper hand in the fight._

_That's not even the most irritating part.  I know what the Master is doing, taking away pieces of me and replacing them with himself until I really am nothing but a shell of negative emotions ready to fight Ven when the time comes.  I'm even okay with it, as long as it ends this cycle of agony, as long as I can forget what it was like to feel good, I can cope._

_The heartless are all gone now, so I let go of my keyblade and sit down, leaning against the cliff and groaning in pain.  Someone has been killing my monsters._

_It's just that the Master isn't doing this fast enough.  I still remember the best feelings and they swirl through my mind relentlessly at even the slightest provocation.   Things like watching Ven make friends while I only feel an echo of what it had once been like to do something like that, or sitting in isolation at night, trying so hard to sleep even though I know there will only be nightmares of the moment we were torn apart.  I remember exactly what love feels like.  I feel it, and I know it intimately, and it makes me feel weak, like I can't protect myself from all the heartbreak that always comes with it.  I look at Ven and I feel ripped in half.  I want to hug him and protect him and I want to bask in his beautiful light as though nothing ever could come between us, just like it used to be, but..._

_Another sting from the death of an unversed, this time in my legs, making them feel frozen to the bone._

_Ventus makes me jealous and weak.  He makes these friends that should have been mine too, but instead I sulk in corners and wait forever because I'm the half that no one would want, the half that can only be used as a puppet for the Master's plans, and nothing else.  He makes my very existence feel worthless.  Meaningless.  Weak.  I hate it.  I hate him. I hate myself._

_I hate him for taking everything good away and leaving me with only reminders of what's been removed from my being, for looking like how **I** used to look, how I was **supposed** to look, while I have to look like a stranger, even to myself.  But mostly...I just hate the fear he brings that I've changed too much, and we'll never be together again._

_A portal of darkness opens at my command and I get up despite the creaks in my legs, limping over to it as quickly as I can until I'm close, so close-_

_So lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice the broken keyblade in my path and fell into it, the old metal piercing my skin and digging it's teeth into my abdomen._

_I've lost a lot of blood today._

_It's hard to breathe._

_How many unversed are being killed right now?_

_Why did they have to wait for this second?_

_When did night fall?_

_Why is it so dark?_

 


	6. Invisibly Trapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh, someone uses a swear word, uh-oh! Leave if you're afraid, I won't judge. I'm afraid too. I mean, not of words, just in general. I'm a scaredy cat.
> 
> PLOT HAPPENS, FINALLY

_Something has changed._

_I was asleep, plagued by vague nightmares about the looming fear of being alone, like something was suddenly missing from me.  This would not have been unusual, if it_ _weren't that as I blearily blinked myself into waking in the all-too-bright room, I was not actually alone._

 _Standing by the bedside and dissolving his keyblade, was Master Eraqus._ "Vanitas."

_My mask has been removed._

_With no idea how much he might know, I stay silent, in wait for him to continue despite my_ _lack of response._ "Ventus saw you and brought you in.  I'm sorry, I couldn't do more for you."   _His unexpected words begin with a solemn tone._ "We....saw what Master Xehanort has done to you.  All this time...I should have known he was up to something dark, but attempting to forcibly fill your heart with his is....disturbing.  I don't expect you to tell me how your heart came to be so fractured, Vanitas, but....I did what I could."

_The speech hit a number of nerves at once, and although my body still ached despite the obvious curing spells that must have been cast at some point, I push to stand, grabbing Eraqus' shoulders as both a way to shake him in anger and to just keep myself standing.  "What did you do?!"_

_Eraqus only sighs at my outburst as though he expected it, managing to piss me off all the more for thinking he knew anything about me.  "I sent Xehanort's heart back where it belongs."_

_Before the words even finish leaving his mouth, tears are rolling down my cheeks in realization.  Xehanort was all I had.  I hated him for so many things, but he was all I had left to fill my heart and now there's nothing.  Just me.  My fractured heart, hardly even functioning, on it's own again.  A weak, useless, lonely, miserable excuse for a person.  What was the point in anything?_

_I don't realize my grip has weakened until my arms have fallen to my sides and Eraqus has placed his hand on my shoulder, patting it in an infuriating attempt to be supportive in some way, trying to make eye contact despite my obvious avoidance of it._ _"Why?"  Is all I can ask as my anger and resentment threaten to literally burst out of my being into an unversed.  "Why?!" My voice cracks and I let my anger out, but no unversed come, only me hitting Eraqus away and attempting to fight him somehow, realizing belatedly that I was too wobbly to stand, beginning to fall only to embarrassingly have Eraqus grab my arm to help me stabilize._

 "You're not well, Vanitas.  What Xehanort has taken from you goes beyond words, and coping with it isn't going to be easy-"

_"Fuck that." Again, I shove him away, this time prepared to grab the desk and then the wall as I painfully try to get away as quickly as possible.  Ventus has to be here somewhere.  He's the only one who will understand.  Ventus.  Get Ventus._

_Everything is hazy and odd as I make my way through the hallways of the castle, every movement I make gradually bringing me back to feeling like I'd been stabbed in more than one place, both emotionally and physically.  Still, somehow, I find who I'm looking for.  He was laying on his bed in his room when I burst through the door, limping and stumbling through, making enough noise that he startled immediately before I threw myself onto him, grabbing his face to forcefully ensure he was looking at nothing but me._

_"Fuse with me, Ventus."_

_The response is immediate._ "What?  No!  What are you talking about?  Get off me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And enter stage left: Vanitas desperately trying to get his senpai to notice him
> 
> I would advise against attempting to fuse when you're emotionally unstable, guys. Just- just don't do it- it's bad.
> 
> Eraqus didn't chase after Vanitas because he thought he needed space, but Eraqus is wrong, Vanitas literally needs a doctor right now.


	7. Chapter 7

_This isn't working._

_Everything Master Xehanort said was right- Ventus isn't ready yet, and I shouldn't have pushed for us to be together.  All I had to do was keep to myself and wait- all of this could have worked out, if I wasn't so impatient.  This wouldn't have happened if I had just been better._

_Nothing is fair.  I knew that, I've always known, but it still bites._

_Ventus has made it perfectly clear that he doesn't understand our connection. Didn't even care.  All he ever cares about are his clueless friends.  I remember being like that.  It was nice, until I realized that trusting people only makes everything miserable.  Or worse, ties a noose so that you can hang yourself on their lies, like what Master Xehanort did.  Ventus and I broke ourselves.  The Master fed us lies, just as I knew he would, and we tore ourselves apart under his guidance._

_Worthless._

_That's what I am.  A being who can only bring destruction and misery, doomed from the very beginning of my existence to eternally sink further into the mud until I'm completely unrecognizable, even to my other self.  That's why I can't breathe right.  That's why my heart beats erratically.  Ventus doesn't even know who I am, and I hate him all the more for it.  He's seen me without my mask, and he must hate what's underneath just as much as I do._

_Ventus, who is everything I detest- even if only because the longing hurts too much around him. I have to tell myself how much I never want to be like him because I see the happiness he has and I want it so badly, but the vulnerability coming with that happiness is too high a price to pay when there's so little of myself left to give._

_So very, very little left._

_What's the meaning of my existence when I'm not Ventus and I've not been given a way back to him?  Remembering the feeling of purpose when I no longer have it is the worst part._

_I have been silent and unmoving on the floor for several minutes by now. Feels as though the realization that I'll never get Ven back paused time, and I've been here for hours in a silent bubble, but that isn't the truth.  Ever since Ven succeeded in shoving me to the floor, he hasn't stopped questioning me, and him now shaking my shoulders to see if I can hear him is what brings me back to the moment and clears the ringing in my ears, even if just a bit._

"Hey?  I didn't mean to push you that hard.... you okay?  No offense, but you're really out of it.  Do you know where you are?  Do you know what did all that to you?"  _Ven's hand stopped shaking me and retreated as I sat up.  There's nothing to say in response, for me.  There's no point in trying to communicate.  He wont understand._

_Ventus isn't the only one out of the loop.  I don't get why my thoughts just pour out of my mouth, but what does it matter anyway, right?  There's no doubt in my mind that Ventus can already see everything I feel, now that I have no mask to hide me.  "I was sure I was going to die."  My eyes sting.  I can't elaborate without my voice cracking._

  _I do anyway._

_"We're supposed to be together, Ventus."_

_At this point, the past feels like it never existed and the future was never a consideration.  All that exists is the miserable present where Ventus is so different from myself.  Who has changed, me or him?  Does it even matter anymore?  Why hasn't Ven said anything?  "Sure, you've got friends, even though they leave you out of everything.  And I'm just fine being on my own.  But it's all wrong.  You've been had, you idiot...we both have."_

_Master Eraquis took that moment to cautiously enter the room._   "It's true, Ventus.  We've all been deceived.  It seems Master Xehanort has done something deeply disturbing to the two of you.  Your memory loss was no mere accident, and nor was Vanitas' recent near-death experience.  I've yet to uncover his true intentions or even the scope of the damage he's already done, but you and Vanitas are connected somehow.  He holds your darkness within him."

_"No.  You're wrong.  I **am** his darkness.  I'm not just holding it, I'm **protecting** it!  We're the same person, we're meant to be joined together!"_

_Ventus balled his fists, glaring at me._ "Ugh, _shut up_!  I'm my own person and so are you!  So what if we're connected?  That doesn't mean we have to give up our individuality!  I'm me!"

"Enough, you two!" _Eraquis silenced._   "We will find a way to deal with this problem in the morning.  Now's not the time, and you _both_ need rest.  Taking this unique situation into account, I think it would be best that Vanitas sleeps nearby, however, it's up to both of you to decide."  _With that final note, he was out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fucking hell, I made Ventus act like Roxas and I'm not even sorry
> 
> sorry, can't write

**Author's Note:**

> Comment! Let me know you read this and liked it or didn't like it or anything! If you have writing pointers or corrections or anything, let me know because I want to hear! If your comment is literally just 'cool stuff' it's STILL going to make me freak out and be super happy for actual days, I'm not kidding. :D


End file.
